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rockin' kitty

So it's happening all over again...

<lj-cut text="this is long and lanky">Why do I feel like Charlie Brown and Lucy has the ball and I go to kick it and she takes the ball away and I fall flat on my ass??? ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGH! 

I really don't get it. I *thought* that I met a really really great guy. He is nice, hot, fun, treated me fantastic. NOW!!! He is irritating the fuck out of me. The other night Sean came over because his directv wasn't working, so I told him to come over and watch cartoons with Audrey and I.

OH YEAH INCIDENTALLY... I AM RENTING MY OWN HOUSE NOW!!! I HAVE MOVED. NO MORE BOB AND PAULA!!!

Anyways... Sean came over and we were talking, About 7:30, the phone started ringing.... It must have ringed (?) about every two minutes. Sean left and I got yet another call. It was from Larry. 

These were his exact words:

"I didn't ever think I was going to get a hold of you tonight..."

So the conversation ensued...

"Oh really what do you mean?"

"I called you and you didn't answer the phone"

"I had Sean over and I didn't think it would be right to talk to my boyfriend right in front of my ex-husband."

"Sean was over? What did HE want?"

"His tv was out so I asked him to come over to hang out with Audrey and I"

"So he came over?"

"Um yeah... We do have a great relationship for being ex's..."

"I just don't get it. I mean I still talk to my second ex and we are cordgial over the phone to each other, but I would never go and hang out with her or have her over"

"Sean and I are good friends"

"How good of friends are you?"

Ok, that has stuck in my mind since the night he said that. Since Tuesday, I have thought of nothing else. Well, that and the fact that he doesn't want me to tear it up at the show at the end of the month and oh yeah, the fact that he sounded bothered by the fact that I don't want to spend the next week with him up at his house. I HAVE MY OWN PLACE NOW DAMMIT!!! HE CAN COME AND SEE ME TOO. I mean yeah... It's missing living room furniture, but  I do have my bed that we could sit on and watch movies together. I mean that's what we do at his place. Then he seemed bothered by the fact that one night next week, I am reserving a couple of nights with my girls. I need to do this. OH and THEN!!! He got all pissy with me about talking to my friend Helios formerly of Leonard. I know a lot of people who have great relationships with their ex's. They get along a lot better as friends and not living under the same roof than when they lived together and were married. HE IS MY BABY'S DADDY... WE ARE GOING TO BE STUCK WITH EACH OTHER FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES. SO WHY BE ENEMIES AND BE HATEFUL AND BITTER TOWARDS ONE ANOTHER? I spent too much time doing that and it was a waste of my time and my enegery.

Last night he pulled this RONQUILLO on me!!! "You don't love me anymore?" So I told him to shut up.

He tells me that he doesn't want any drama in his life and the minute that something gets bad or he thinks it won't work out, he just gets rid of it from his life. HE'S THE ONE CAUSING ALL OF THE DRAMA. I am just the way I am and I don't care if people do not like it. He's the one telling me about his stalker and stuff all of the time. I tell him my feelings... Ok, that's a big mistake, I know now. I will tell him something, Not asking for his advice, and he will give it to me anyways. 

I told him right off the bat that I was bi-polar because I just wanted to be upfront about it. He told me that I didn't need to be on medication and that it was something that I could deal with without the crutch of medication. It was all in my head. UM YEAH IT IS ALL IN MY HEAD. THAT'S WHY I AM ON MEDICATION!!! I tried to explain to him that it's a chemical imbalance and that it's hereditary and that all of the people in my family has had some sort of mental problems. He told me that that was just an excuse and that I just needed to put stuff behind me and make peace with my past. He asked me about Caelin and so I went to explain what happened. I started crying. I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE... IF YOU HAVE EVER LOST A CHILD, YOU WILL BE SAD OVER IT. IT'S NOT SOMETHING THAT YOU CAN JUST GET OVER.  IT'S SOMETHING YOU DEAL WITH ON A DAY TO DAY BASIS. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her. He told me that I had to make peace with that and let it go. He says that I beat myself up all of the time and put myself down all of the time because I joke around about BDP. I embrace what I have. I am not ashamed of it. I tell people that I have it because I want them to know that if they know anyone or they are themselves having the same problems that I have, they can do something about it and that they can get through it. Just like with Caelin, I tell people about what happened to her because I want people to know that you can go on and get through things. Sure it's hard. It's really hard. But you can get through it with some time, patience, and love. And you can be sad about it all you want because those are your feelings... You own them.

To him, it's ok for someone to be chemically dependent on alcohol, but it's not ok for people to have chemical mental disorders. I don't get it. He said that he has been there and knows and was on Prozac because he was going through some hard times and he got through them. Ok, yeah I have had hard times. Everyone has them. You get through one blind curve and then you hit another one. That's a part of life we all have to face. I deal with my shit. 

Uh whatever!!!<\lj-cut>

Comments

A lot of guys have issues dealing with exes in a relationship. It's something that needs to be talked out and if he can't talk it out, then it's not worth it. He needs to trust you and handle the fact that you're still friends with your ex husband and other exes.
*hugs*

I love you and I miss you. we need to have lunch or something.

Im sorry he cant handle the fact that you are you.
I love you too. I am serious about this... Dammit!!! Why don't you come and stay with me on a night that you don't have to work or anything??? We need Evilpyxie time!!!
rockin&#39; kitty

June 2007

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