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rockin' kitty

Yesterday

Nervous stomach. I threw up. It's really nerve racking to me when Audrey doesn't want to go to school because I don't know if she's faking that she is sick or that she is really sick. I stayed home yesterday because I didn't feel well. I should have gone to school and taken Audrey to preschool.

Audrey cut her hair again. I had the scissors up to where she couldn't reach them and she got them somehow. She cut off most of the length, so I had to give her a hair cut. I called Sean to warn him about it. He chewed me out because this was the third time she had done it. You know, sometimes it just feels like I will never be perfect or a good mother in his eyes. He makes me feel like I am a horrible mother. I try my hardest to make Audrey happy and give her the love she needs. I try to be the best mother that she could have. It's like I feel like I am in competition over who can be the best parent and I feel like I am in a losing battle. I don't understand why he gets so competitive over this. We should be working together and not against each other. I try to work with him, but it seems like that if it's not on his terms, then I am wrong. It has always been that way with him. If things aren't perfect for him, then I am in the wrong.

And then the whole thing with Larry... I talked to him yesterday about it. He told me that he was just trying to find a way to make me understand why he gets trippy about certain things. I told him that I am not going to change to be something that I am not and that I am not going to keep trying to prove to him that I am not like his ex's. He told me that I didn't need to worry about it that everything was great between us and that he just wants us to be a partnership, the way that relationships should be, not just one sided. I told him that that was what I wanted too. He told me to relax that everything was fine and that we just have some hang ups about our previous relationships that we have to deal with. He's right about the previous relationships thing.

I learned some valuable lessons yesterday...

I am not a perfect mother, so why try? I am a loving mother and that's all that counts.
I do not and will not compete with Sean on who is the better parent because I am a great parent.
Scissors are never put away high enough unless they are in a spot that even I can't get to.
I am loved by the people who matter in my life and that's all that should count.
I am loved no matter how imperfect I am.
I can talk to the people I love about things that I am concerned about and they will tell me that everything is going to be alright.
And that Audrey is the best and only person I have who is there for me when I need a hug.

Comments

that little Stinker! she is just too much like her mom and determined to cut the hair and shake the style up every so often, no? ;o)

"I am loved no matter how imperfect I am."

So True! And remember, no one is perfect!! But the people who love us don't care.
I think Miss Audrey wants to become a stylist when she gets older. She asks me all of the time if one day she can do what I do... Sean would be pissed that his daughter wouldn't want to go to some big fancy bazillion dollar school... So it's more incentive for me to allow her to do what she wants and if she wants to be like her mommy... Then I say go for it!!!

Thank you soooo much for telling me that... AND you are my best friend in the whole wide world!!!

Punk Rock!!!
rockin' kitty

June 2007

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